I HATE it when people blame God for everything.
I've been feeling so far away from God recently, what with my absence from Eaglepoint Puchong for 3 months. Has it been 3 months? I think so. Wow, that's a lot of Saturday nights wasted. I haven't been skipping but with the semester breaks and holidays and my flight always being either on Friday nights or Saturday mornings, I've missed out on a lot of SNL services, sadly.
I went to a church in Kuching but it didn't feel homey and it wasn't very welcoming.
I don't know, maybe it's cause I haven't been in touch with God for so long.
I know God can be found everywhere, not just in church, but to be honest, it's the only time I ever fully just spend some time with Him.
Despite having 24 hours of free time in a day, I still can't find some time to just hang out with God and read the Bible.
It's ridiculous I know, I was never an avid Bible reader. Hopefully, that will change though. I know what it's like to feel God's presence around you, to see God everywhere you go in your daily routine. And it's FANTASTIC!
During those few weeks after Victory Weekend, I felt so close to God.
I literally thought about Him often and talked to Him quite often too.
Then, there was that Easter Celebration in IMU which was absolutely moving.
The dance performance by June and the others was so touching, I teared up a little.
I could feel and see the love the performers had for God in their swift and graceful movements.
It wasn't about showing off their dance skills but, it was more like a personal message to God which really really touched me.
Anyway, it was my own fault, for some reason, that feeling died down.
And here we are.
I miss SNL so much, because I miss my friends there, that familiar comfortable atmosphere, the worship time, and the witty yet incredibly interesting sermons the pastors gave.
I felt so content, peaceful, happy there.
Regarding the first line of this post, last night, for the first time in a long time, I opened my Bible and read it. Mine's really helpful in the sense, the front few pages are categorized to different sections like "Making Decisions" or "Temptations" and under it, there'll be a few verses that explain it.
And I've been feeling very confused regarding this decision that I have to make really soon, well actually the deadline's this Thursday.
And I still don't know what I should do.
I've been praying for an answer cause I figured, you can't go wrong with God.
And the first time was hurtful enough. This time, I want to do it right. So I opened my Bible and read under "Making Decisions", I found this verse.
Proverbs 3:3-6
"If you want favor with both God and man, and a reputation for good judgement and common sesne, then trust the Lord COMPLETELY.Don't ever trust yourself. In EVERYTHING you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success."
Appropriate,right? Which is why I'm still waiting for God to give me a definite clear answer regarding my situation.
And for my nagging feeling of what's delaying God from replying my prayer is, I found this verse.
Jeremiah 30:13
"You will find me when you seek me, if you look for me in earnest."
Sigh, I'm not a preacher or anywhere qualified enough to be telling someone what they should and should not do, and if I come across as someone who does, then I sincerely apologized.
For I am flawed,
very very very very flawed.
I've turned my back on God so many times and I still have doubts and questions that I wish God could just answer for me.
So when I tell you a verse or something I've read from the Bible,
I'm not showing off to your face that
"Oh, I'm way holier than you",
because that is a complete lie and a joke, for that matter.
I'm telling you because I just so happened to have read something that is along the lines of the problem you're facing.
I'm not rubbing it in your face,
I'm telling you cause it just so happened I read it.
And I remembered it.
Which is a miracle.
Because I'm really forgetful.
I don't see the point of keeping something away from someone if you think it might help that person with their situation? Especially if it's someone you care about.
I am not a holy person.
I don't think anyone will ever be, because no one can be as sinless as Jesus was.
Wow, I do sound like a preacher. Freaky.
But it's just my opinion.
I used to think people who preached God or talked funny like with 'God this' and 'God that', were nutjobs.
I thought they were just trying to tell the world that they knew the Bible and were holy.
But then, I came back to God because I met a person like that.
I came back to God because I was jealous of the change that occurred in that person's life after he came to accept Christ.
I was jealous, ashamed and embarrassed that after so many years of knowing God, my spiritual life remained stagnant whereas this person, whom had just accepted Christ, was already well on his way up the Heaven-chain, so to speak.
Basically, I mean, he was progressing in his faith and spiritual life.
It pains me to know that this person is no longer the same person that made me want to change my spiritual lifestyle.
It pains me to know he's hurting and he can't even talk to God about it.
It pains me to not know what his future may be like.
It just hurts.
