joyceeting Joyce Ting 5 people within 1 year. Don't know how much more I can take

So another lodgian has suddenly left us. His name is Jeremy Tan. He's a year older than me and I don't him that well personally but I know his circle and his family. The shock stage has passed, the tears has passed, now's just the empty hollow feeling you get and you don't know what to do next.

My summative's on Friday and I've got 3 systems to cover. I feel like I'm still not understanding everything fully and when I do questions, I'm like whaat. So that's not good. I still got some time but then, this happens and I really don't feel like studying tonight. 

My friends from high school started talking about how if one of them did suddenly pass away as well, that they just wanted us to know that they loved each of us. So I figured, I should write something for everyone, in case my time should come and God decides that He thinks that I'm too good for medicine or Jesus is getting old and He needs fresh blood. (I am totally kidding by the way, humour is the only thing that keeps me going. so please no thunder from the skies striking me anytime soon. )

To my family, know that I love each of you, obviously duh. We're family! Though we may have our setbacks, at the end of the day, we're all family and blood related and all. And we've been through a lot together so that will never change. No matter how old I get, I always feel like the same small fat chubby kid who is always being spoilt by everyone, around you guys. I have just one small request to God, that if my time does come, I hope it comes after my mum, cause I don't think she can handle another personal tragic loss. And also, I hope that you'll grow close to God, despite whatever circumstances that gets thrown your way cause at the end of it all, He is what it's all about. So don't shut Him out. You need Him. 

To my high school friends (OMG), I love you guys. You'll always be the group that I can click best with and just be whoever I want to be. Joel, Phoebe, my oldest friends. You guys have proven to be my angels, time and time again. Only you guys understand me without words. I know, no matter how far, no matter what, I can count on you two, especially you, Phoebs. You're my true sister in life. Joyce, Peg, Rachel, I love you all. I love it when we're all back together and just laughing at Joel or Phoebe (it's always one of the two hobos). I pray that your lives will be fruitful and amazing and fantastic and that you'll all end up marrying and having beautiful children AND still keep in contact with each other. 

To my uni friends, I'm glad we've all grown closer in this few years studying together. Yes, we have had our ups and downs but we're still friends through it all. I pray that you'll all graduate and be wonderful medical professionals someday and we'll always remember it all started in IMU, with each of us. I hope our dreams of making our children play with each other, intermarry each other, or whatever ridiculous ideas we come up with next, will come true one day. I wish all of you the utmost happiness and blessings.

Please know, no matter what happens, don't ever walk away from God or turn away. 

When I was at my weakest, He was there. 

When I was at the midst of losing my mind, He kept me sane. 

When I broke down, He just listened. 

I'm still discovering God everyday, and I'm still learning but I understand now. I understand that we all have an expiry date, so stop acting like you're going be here forever cause you're not. 

Stop hating, stop fighting, stop resisting. Life is so much more than that. 

If the wind blows hard enough, the fire within you gets extinguished. Game over. 

So, don't you think you should be happy while you can? 

Do the things you love, 

love the people around you, 

be a source of joy for someone: 

just be happy. 

You only get one shot.

Tenth Avenue North - By Your Side

Why are you striving these days

Why are you trying to earn grace

Why are you crying

Let me lift up your face

Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love

Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough

To where will you go child

Tell me where will you run

To where will you run

And I'll be by your side

Wherever you fall

In the dead of night

Whenever you call

And please don't fight

These hands that are holding you

My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side

They swallowed the grave on that night

When I drank the world's sin

So I could carry you in

And give you life

I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you

I want you to know

That I, I love you

I'll never let you go

Music has this amazing way of just smacking you on the head and going 

"Oi, this is you la. Listen!"

Simple lyrics yet amazingly meaningful.

Megan Nicole's Beautiful

I wanna be blown away

I wanna be swept off my feet

I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe

I wanna be lost in love

I wanna be your dream come true

I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you

Just call me beautiful, Call me beautiful

Call me beautiful, Call me b-e-a-utiful

Heather Janssen's An Angel's Kiss = rocks

When the road is gone and i cant find my way
Heart broken not worth it at the end of the day
When the world is shaking making me insane
I fall down and i cant get up again.
When im lonely in a crowded place
When im in need of a familiar face
When it hurts to look back, im scared to look ahead.
I can look beside me you're standing there. 


You know you grow up (especially if you're from a Christian family), 

you grow up hearing all these stories from the Bible during ICF classes,
you know the famous ones like
Abraham & Issac,
David & Goliath,
Jacob & Esau
Jacob & The Technicoloured Dreamcoat
Samson & Delilah

Last night, I finally pieced the family tree together. Well, sort of.

I was reading about King Saul and how he disobeyed God's instructions.
Instead of fulfilling the command, Saul killed everything except the animals of best quality.
He kept them  for whatever reason and then later said he was going to use them as sacrifices to God.

I was thinking, what's wrong with that? Saul had good intentions, right?
Yeah he sort of bent the rules a little but he didn't mean any harm.

Well, wrong. It says God got really angry and disappointed in Saul,
to the point where He even regretted making Saul king.

Why?
For a while now, I've been wondering about a few things such as this:
What is it exactly that God expects from us?
 is it our good intentions? our sacrifices? our offerings?

So the wonderful thing about going to church is, you get to meet people who probably have already been in your shoes before and considered the same questions.

So I asked my leader and she told me to read 1 Samuel 15.

"Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices 

   as much as in obeying the LORD? 

To obey is better than sacrifice, 

   and to heed is better than the fat of rams. 

²³ For rebellion is like the sin of divination, 

   and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. 

Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, 

   he has rejected you as king.”

How many times have I foolishly tried to justify my actions?
Just so I can make myself sleep easier at night,
just so I can feel like a better person, or worse: a better Christian.
How many times have I spoke to someone and gave them my advice, as if they weighed like gold?
As if I was an expert and all knowing, all powerful.

The thing is, we all bend the rules sometimes,
just so we can 'adjust' God's word into our lives,
hence, it's a win win situation for all.

"oh I watch child porn but, hey at least I don't abuse kids."


"oh I have a mistress, but so did Abraham. And hey, Abraham was God's most faithful servant! 
And I only have one! Some of the big shots in the Bible had hundreds!"


"oh I haven't spoken to him in years, but hey, at least I didn't kill Abel like Cain did."


"oh I tithed last week, but hey at least I'm even tithing. That guy doesn't do it at all."

When put on trial, we are so defensive, so quick to judge or pass the blame to someone else.
Always comparing, always measuring the weight of our sins with others.

I don't know, maybe it's just me.
But I got really worried when I thought about Saul; how God took away his crown.
What about me? I've disobeyed Him more times than I can remember

Has He taken my 'crown' away?
What blessings have I missed as a result of my rebellious ways?

Then, my wonderful leader gave me another scripture which is Joel 2.:25, to reassure me.


²⁵And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.


Basically, saying that after the people repented, God said He'll make up for the lost time.

Hmm I kinda forgot the point I was trying to make.
Nah, maybe not every post needs a point.
:)

Tyler Ward's Good Life

Completely addicted to the melody of this song.

Sometimes there's airplanes I can' t jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me-e-e-e
What there is to complain about

Oh this has gotta be a good life
This has gotta be a good life
This could really be a good life, good life
Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire 'night
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

fact #2

The Wonder - Color of Clouds

fact

I am not a nice person.

What's wrong with me?

I'm at this point in my life, it's come to a point where worship songs are no longer just meaningless words you sing during church services anymore.

I find myself unable to mouth the words sometimes because of what they mean.

My friend posted this song up and he shared something similar like about how hard it was to be so selfless like this song portrays. For me, it was a different song entirely that really left me speechless and completely emotional, and this was a song that we sang during the Red Alert Camp, which is this:

It was strange cause I really couldn't just say the words or sing the song.
I just stood there, and thought of everyone I knew, and what I would do if all of them walked away.
So yeah, I just stood there, feeling overwhelmed with all these emotions. And I guess the reason I couldn't say the words, and really mean it, was because it meant something huge:

it meant that though none come with me, still I will follow. 

So a ton of people's faces and names just popped into my head and I began to weep, because it hurt so much to even bear the thought of losing anyone of them to the enemy.

  I don't know what other term to use to refer to the bad guy, 

I don't like the "S" word or the "D" word, so "the enemy" it is. 

So it took me a while, and I still couldn't say the words. So I just prayed and prayed for the salvation and safety of my friends and family, especially the ones close to me. I prayed and prayed that God would be fair and merciful to all of us, despite our shortcomings, our arrogance, our pride, our deceitful and immoral ways, I prayed that He'll still give us a chance to repent and go to Heaven, every single one of us.

I don't want to get left behind, nor do I want anyone I know to get left behind. Sigh. I can't bear to imagine even just the thought of it. I think eventually, I slowly began to whisper the words, and mean them. It was difficult, it still is actually, but it was good in the sense, it made me realize that God is God. He's not someone to follow just because everyone's doing it or because your best friend's doing it. He's God, and you should really decide if you want to follow Him or not, and if you do, start acting like it.

I learnt soo much from the Red Alert Camp. I even had this interesting encounter with someone, on the day we were about to leave. But it's late so I'll save that for another post. But yeah, this random post about this song just came about after seeing my friend's facebook. :)

Ah.

Update

Reading my previous posts, I realized, I sound a tad bit sad and deep. Haha oh well.

Just finished playing basketball for IMU Cup and.. WE WON! :)
Hee hee! It was so intense though, from the moment the referee blew his whistle, we just went for it!

I don't know, I thought I was pretty rough with my partner but everyone said I was the most gentle player on the court. Hahaha which is kinda weird. But oh well. I didn't think they were too rough or played dirty. It's basketball yo. You're bound to push around a little.

I would post pictures but it's all in Amelia's DSLR. Oh well. One more big day tomorrow morning = Netball. Eek hope all goes well tomorrow! :) waking up at 6am is not fun. Ah gosh. Hopefully, we'll come back with a gold and make Pegasus proud :)

This is just a babble post, just to dust off my lonely neglected blog. :)

Hope you're all well. :)

Rambles

I HATE it when people blame God for everything.

I've been feeling so far away from God recently, what with my absence from Eaglepoint Puchong for 3 months. Has it been 3 months? I think so. Wow, that's a lot of Saturday nights wasted. I haven't been skipping but with the semester breaks and holidays and my flight always being either on Friday nights or Saturday mornings, I've missed out on a lot of SNL services, sadly.

I went to a church in Kuching but it didn't feel homey and it wasn't very welcoming. 

I don't know, maybe it's cause I haven't been in touch with God for so long. 

I know God can be found everywhere, not just in church, but to be honest, it's the only time I ever fully just spend some time with Him. 

Despite having 24 hours of free time in a day, I still can't find some time to just hang out with God and read the Bible.

It's ridiculous I know, I was never an avid Bible reader. Hopefully, that will change though. I know what it's like to feel God's presence around you, to see God everywhere you go in your daily routine. And it's FANTASTIC! 

During those few weeks after Victory Weekend, I felt so close to God. 

I literally thought about Him often and talked to Him quite often too. 

Then, there was that Easter Celebration in IMU which was absolutely moving. 

The dance performance by June and the others was so touching, I teared up a little.

I could feel and see the love the performers had for God in their swift and graceful movements. 

It wasn't about showing off their dance skills but, it was more like a personal message to God which really really touched me. 

Anyway, it was my own fault, for some reason, that feeling died down. 

And here we are. 

I miss SNL so much, because I miss my friends there, that familiar comfortable atmosphere, the worship time, and the witty yet incredibly interesting sermons the pastors gave. 

I felt so content, peaceful, happy there.

Regarding the first line of this post, last night, for the first time in a long time, I opened my Bible and read it. Mine's really helpful in the sense, the front few pages are categorized to different sections like "Making Decisions" or "Temptations" and under it, there'll be a few verses that explain it. 

And I've been feeling very confused regarding this decision that I have to make really soon, well actually the deadline's this Thursday. 

And I still don't know what I should do. 

I've been praying for an answer cause I figured, you can't go wrong with God.

And the first time was hurtful enough. This time, I want to do it right. So I opened my Bible and read under "Making Decisions", I found this verse.

Proverbs 3:3-6

"If you want favor with both God and man, and a reputation for good judgement and common sesne, then trust the Lord COMPLETELY.Don't ever trust yourself. In EVERYTHING you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success."

Appropriate,right? Which is why I'm still waiting for God to give me a definite clear answer regarding my situation.

And for my nagging feeling of what's delaying God from replying my prayer is, I found this verse.

Jeremiah 30:13

"You will find me when you seek me, if you look for me in earnest."

Sigh, I'm not a preacher or anywhere qualified enough to be telling someone what they should and should not do, and if I come across as someone who does, then I sincerely apologized. 

For I am flawed, 

very very very very flawed. 

I've turned my back on God so many times and I still have doubts and questions that I wish God could just answer for me. 

So when I tell you a verse or something I've read from the Bible, 

I'm not showing off to your face that 

"Oh, I'm way holier than you", 

because that is a complete lie and a joke, for that matter. 

I'm telling you because I just so happened to have read something that is along the lines of the problem you're facing. 

I'm not rubbing it in your face, 

I'm telling you cause it just so happened I read it. 

And I remembered it. 

Which is a miracle. 

Because I'm really forgetful. 

I don't see the point of keeping something away from someone if you think it might help that person with their situation? Especially if it's someone you care about.

I am not a holy person. 

I don't think anyone will ever be, because no one can be as sinless as Jesus was. 

Wow, I do sound like a preacher. Freaky. 

But it's just my opinion. 

I used to think people who preached God or talked funny like with 'God this' and 'God that', were nutjobs. 

I thought they were just trying to tell the world that they knew the Bible and were holy. 

But then, I came back to God because I met a person like that. 

I came back to God because I was jealous of the change that occurred in that person's life after he came to accept Christ.

 I was jealous, ashamed and embarrassed that after so many years of knowing God, my spiritual life remained stagnant whereas this person, whom had just accepted Christ, was already well on his way up the Heaven-chain, so to speak. 

Basically, I mean, he was progressing in his faith and spiritual life.

It pains me to know that this person is no longer the same person that made me want to change my spiritual lifestyle. 

It pains me to know he's hurting and he can't even talk to God about it. 

It pains me to not know what his future may be like. 

It just hurts.

Kerrie Roberts - Keep Breathing

Keep breathing, you'll make it,

Don't give in, you're not done yet

Sometimes all that you can do is to keep breathing, and believing,

Don't let go,

Just hang on tight a little longer,

When you feel like you're dying,

Keep breathing

Don't give up, cause you are not done yet.

RIP Ms Teo 2011

Another person's light has been extinguished this morning, and this person is none other than my Form 5 English teacher, Ms Teo. As usual, the initial reaction is hock, a state of  being completely speechless. Then, come denial immediately after. Then, maybe anger will drop by, then the temporary numbness for everything before you.

But this wasn't the case for me, when I heard via facebook how my once witty and full of life teacher, had left the Earth, forever. 

In a way, I'm glad I didn't run into her in Normah while I was doing my attachment, cause I didn't want to lose the last memory I have of her, that is, making some sort of sarcastic comeback to the guys when they were being rowdy. 

Then, again, a small part of me wished I had seen her, like Eric did when he was attached to the doctor in charge of her, Dr. Lau. 

He got to see her twice, one conscious, happy, liveful and the next, semi conscious, vulnerable, uncommunicative. 

This was all in the span of a week. 

When I spoke to her doctor during lunch, he said she was sent home to be with her family and when I asked how long he thought she had? 

He replied with a sombre, "Days." 

Well, he made a mistake. It was more like a 'day'.

 I sincerely hope that wherever she is now, I pray that she's in Heaven, sharing a joke with the angels or meeting my dad for the first time.

 If she is in Heaven, I hope there's golf, cigarettes and beer for her there too. :)

Never forgotten. 

It's funny how life can just come and go like that. 

It's like.. one day you're seeing a person and the next, they're gone. 

You can't see them anymore, or ever. 

It's as if they went on an extended holiday somewhere around the world, and they're still here, just you can't ever see them again. 

Yeah, a holiday, that's what it feels like. 

Cause death, death is strange to me. 

I still can't fathom how one loses someone. 

I don't know Ms. Teo all that well, but she taught me for two years and now, 

she's just gone. 

I don't think I'll ever understand death, until when it maybe comes for me next.

Life seems so fragile nowadays, it feels like everyone you know is dropping down from left and right. Celebrities are dying, 

childhood friends of friends passed,

 family members have gone, 

that childhood family man you knew so well is gone forever too. 

It's like death is really ringing in the year, these past few years. 

I remember a time when I could go for years without ever knowing anyone passing away, 

I wish it was like that again.

As for her family members, I pray that the card we're preparing for her, 

provides them with some comfort and that they'll know that her time in Lodge, was never spent in vain. 

Her students still remember, love and will always cherish the precious moments when we had her to ourselves for 40minutes in a day. 

And I'm truly sorry for your loss.

Ohhhh

Sleeping and TurbinatesThe turbinates are important for the sleep mechanism. When you sleep, you are supposed to turn some 50 times a night. This prevents you from getting pressure sores. What happens is that you sleep on the right side, with the right turbinate down. After a time, this right turbinate fills up with fluid, and expands so that it pushes against the septum in the mid line and this makes you turn on the left side until that side fills up and turns you again. This is why when you sleep cramped, where you can't turn, you get achey muscles and bed sores.

Was reading up for tomorrow's session with my ENT surgeon, Dr. Khoo when I came across this. 

This is one of those things that makes you go "Ohhhhhhh." 

haha well, for me anyway.

Anyway, totally embarrassed myself today sigh. 

But I'm definitely learning something from him so that's good. 

Saw him draining an abscess from a TB gland = GROSS.

He just sliced a small incision and basically, started 'gorek-ing' the crap out of that lump.

Arghh.. 

we were talking earlier and he said that medical students have to choose between two categories when they want to pick a speciality, 

namely to choose the medical aspect of medicine or the surgical aspect of it. 

I think I'm definitely more of a medical person, like a GP or physician. 

Argh then he sutured up the incision. 

I don't know what's with me but, 

I never liked the idea of stitching skin up together. 

Argh.

 What kinda pathetic medical student I am uh? 

Hmm.

apocalypse?

Was reading Max Dubinsky's blog and his recent post struck me. 

Have a read, if you got some free time on your hands or just read it anyway if you're reading this already. 

I'm not saying he's right but just listen to his opinion cause I think he has a lot of interesting points, which involves all of us.

You don't have to believe it, 

just read it and let me know what you think. :)

The paragraph that made me think:

 "Thinking about the way things might end is going to stop you from living today. Thinking about the end of the world, wondering what might happen tomorrow is going to stop you from living out God’s plan for today. And that’s precisely where the enemy wants you. So concerned with tomorrow, with whether or not you are saved, whether or not you’ve done enough, whether or not you are good enough, is going to stop you from being fishers of men. It’s going to stop you from doing the work at hand. It’s going to stop you from living. Truly living."

joshua radin = king of mushy lovesongs

When I find you, I'll find me.

im a grown up yall

okay so i lied. I swiped the dustmites and took off again. Ahhh 

but I have a good reason. I'm coming towards the end of another week attached to Normah Hospital in Kuching.

 For my first week, I was attached to one of the two cardiologists there, Dr. Peter Wong, whose actually really good friends with my dad. 

So I think I had that advantage in the sense, he felt was awkward as I did when we spoke for the first couple of times.

 Haha I was always just walking through conversations between my dad and him, with the typical "Hi Uncle", "Bye Uncle" and smile politely as I scurry off to watch the last few minutes of Bones.

So he doesn't know me per say, but I guess he recognizes my face.

 So it was a bit of a shock when I introduced myself to him on the first day, as he wasn't even informed of the arrangement. 

Haha but he was nice and let me tag along behind him like a lost puppy. 

It.Was. Exhausting.

Few things I learnt so far being attached to Normah:
1) No one walks. Everyone either runs (ie. emergency) or walks -no sorry, more like- breezes across the floor. I seriously had some difficulty keeping up with him on the first few days. At the end of the day, my feet were really really sore from all the prepping for a marathon walking.

2) Don't try to be pretty and match your outfit with brand new shoes which you just bought from the UK. My feet were so sore and one time, I felt this slight sting on my left foot and thought it was a mosquito sucking my lifesource so I used my other foot to scratch it. I looked down and saw a small flab of skin hanging off my foot -.- The edges of my shoes had rubbed the top of my foot raw, so the skin was really fragile. -.-

3) If you thought of being like the doctors of Grey's Anatomy, where when it's lunchtime, everyone gathers around the cafeteria and gossip about their cases, think again. I've only managed to talk to Eric once throughout the whole two weeks because his doc was on the phone and I couldn't locate mine lol. All the doctors have different schedules and the number of patients that come for their consultation varies so it's usually only when there's nobody left to inspect, that they are reminded of the poor deadbeat medical students slowly staggering behind them. Haha I'm exaggerating (just a tad) but Dr.Love (my cardio) usually gave breaks whenever he remembered it but my current doc (Dr. Gabriel Teo - internal med) is on the dot about lunch time. In fact, he gives me like 2-2.5 hour lunchbreaks (WOOHOOO) cause unlike Dr.Love, Dr. Teo does actually go out for lunch. (Dr. Love just munches on a piece of chocolate and a cup of sweet black coffee. When I was with him, I just skipped lunch)

4) The doctors in Normah are busy. Like my cardio guy comes in at like 7am ish to do his rounds, and leaves around 8pm ish at night. Which I find amazing cause one time, he made me stay till 7.30pm to witness a PCI he was doing. I nearly almost just fell off my chair cause I was so tired from the entire day of running around. But it was interesting, I'll have to say, seeing the guy's messed up coronary arteries on the angio.

5) Healthcare is EXPENSIVE! Know what's not? Dieting, making drastic lifestyle changes, exercising EARLY! The percentage of patients I've seen walk in who are diabetic, hypertensive, or have some sort of health-related problem caused by their own doings, is astonishing. It's really bad the stats. Being diabetic already opens up so many dangerous health risk doors, like it increases your tendency of getting cardiac risks like CAD. Your cholesterol levels are so important. In percutaneous coronary intervention, one stent costs rm7-8k whereas ballooning costs about rm3-4. This patient had to have FOUR stents and TWO balloonings just in his LEFT coronary artery. His right side is messed up as well but the procedure would have taken too long and it was already 5pm so the doc scheduled it for a latter date as he didn't want to be weary from the estimated 4-5 hour procedure. And the guy is only 40+ years old, his heart is already so messed up. Ahh

6) I need to learn more of the local languages in East Malaysia. I only know Foochow, English, BM, and vague amounts of Hokkien, Mandarin. While being with Dr. Teo, half of his patients spoke Hokkien which I had no idea what they were saying so I just idly stood there as the doc replied them and consulted them. I feel so helpless, not being able to speak the language cause it's important to gauge the information from them.

7) Normah is COLD! Always forget to bring my cardigan. Argh.

Hmm, that's about all I can think of, lying in this really uncomfortable position on my bed, blogging. 

Haha well tomorrow's another day. 

But thankfully, Dr. Teo said it's only a half day tomorrow so I'm off by lunch.

 WOOHOOO! 

I'm such a bum, after a week with Dr. Wong, I'm so lazy to go to work now. 

Ah, I feel like such a grown up now. 

Hee :)

dustmites be gone!

oh wow i have left this blog to the dustmites for too long.
hello! to whoever may be interested in my life.. unlikely any but i'm gonna go out on a limb and say there's still one reader or two.. whose's still.. ahhh who am i kidding? :)

oh well, less readers (or none at all) just means i don't have to worry so much about what i post :) yayy

quick update:

1.  i finished my semester 3 examinations in IMU. 

freaking hardcore. argh I did so bad for my OSCE on the first day that I was so bummed.  I just knew i failed it, but thank the Lordie, I did well for my second day so it balanced out. OSPE can kiss my butt, it was so hard. the first few stations I had, I was thinking, " okay this is good. not bad not bad. good rhythm, good momentum, okay let's keep this going" then I hit the twelve station, and everything started going downhill. There were a few stations where I literally just looked around and say 'Am I in the wrong exam hall? I've never seen this before. Have we even covered this in our lectures?"

Aahh but thank the Lordie, I passed. I was so frightened. Ahh thank the Lordie.

2. flew to UK. 

with a peaceful mind and lived there for 2 weeks. It was a good trip, my first in UK so that was fun. Took tons of photos which I have yet to steal from diana's laptop. Will do it soon. 

3.  Had a near death experience.

4. Met someone on the plane back from Stansted to KL. 13 hours. oh Lordie

5. Bought more clothes and shoes than I ever had in my entire life. No joke.

Anyway, this is just an update to wipe the dust of my blog. :)

You might get hurt just a little bit

When you gonna let somebody in?

You might get hurt just a little bit

right next to you

One day when the sky is falling, 

I'll be standing right next to you,

right next to you.

who do you want to be standing, right next to you when the world finally ends?

Day 6 pick up sticks

1) My family. 

I can't imagine people with no families or close relations. 

If they just died suddenly, no one would even miss them. 

No matter how close your friends are to you, your family won't let you down. 

Usually. 

Blood will always be thicker than water. 

Family is what you come home to.

2) The wonderful people in my life that i can call 'friends'. 

The ones that always know how to make me smile and laugh hysterically. 

The ones that I can share and just open with. 

The ones that I can cry with. 

I've been very blessed, in the sense, I've found some friends who have proven to stay through thick and thin, some who have really helped when the situation called for it,

 without question ,without judgement. 

And that's exactly what a friend is. 

I know of a few who will get out of bed and come to my aid in the middle of the night

these are the people that I would do exactly the same for. :')

3) My iphone. 

As materialistic as that sounds, yeah.. 

I freak out like crazy whenever my iphone goes nuts on me. literally. o.o

 like it's not even funny how stressed out I get, worried about my precious phone.

 lol it's not healthy but it's true.

4) God, church and my LG I guess. 

I honestly don't know where I would be today if God was not a part of my life's equation. 

Where I'll be, my state of mind, or sanity for that matter. 

My church, in eaglepoint puchong, the place I go to unwind after a week of life and stress and worries. I love listening to the sermons cause they're always really entertaining and I've never been bored by them.

 Surprisingly, I find myself looking forward to them and I go away learning something about God's Word. I noticed, if I haven't gone to church in a while like a couple of weeks like if I went back home or something, I tend to feel really sad and depressed. 

Kinda weird but true. 

My LG, where I laugh and joke and share with my wonderful IMU juniors and seniors. 

Always feels great after our LG sessions :) 

5) FOOD! 

One of the things that usually is running through my mind is 'what to eat later?'

 Haha I always bug my friends and ask them what I should eat for whatever meal of the day cause I'm always SO indecisive.

 And I feel sad when I eat something really gross and not worth the calories :P

Day 5 (actually more like day 234)

1) I'm afraid of relationships. 

It's always fun till it reaches the end and someone gets hurt, bad. 

I don't want to get hurt, or let the other person get hurt.

2) I'm afraid that that feeling will never go away or heal. or hurt any less in time. 

3) I'm afraid of being alone, be it in a foreign country or just in uni.

4) I'm afraid of horror movies and everything related to horror.

5) I'm afraid of getting into an accident and dying young. 

Maybe not so much on death, but more on hurting the people I'll leave behind.

6) I'm afraid that I'll find out that medicine might not be the course for me. 

Though I can't imagine myself doing anything else, it can't be this hard, with this many things to remember. 

I don't want to just pass but I don't think I can expect any more from myself. 

I should just be grateful with a pass.

we were superheroes then

i think about the days when we were young & carefree

we never even bothered to ask who we are,

 or we should be,

we just existed, 

with no resistance,

we were superheroes then

Blessings - Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

listen, there's my heart beat

Was reading this on another blog and thought it was so wonderfully written. 

It was written by a close friend. 

I thought it was too good not to share with someone else. :)

some things become but a distant memory
growing old and fading away
its
like raindrops on a roof
like a box that's out of juice

sometimes this world wears me down
i feel like some sad, sad little clown
going through the motions
drowning, in this vast, grey ocean
so

should i moan, cry
curl up on a coach and die?
no

look, there's the world at my feet
listen, there's my heart beat
stand up, hold my head high
and let its music lift me to the sky
forget
the world, let it go its way
because it's time, i had my own say
i pave my own tracks
whether it be hard joyous or slack

what i need is a push, a pull
to let my soul shine through
reminding me
that while i live and breathe
there is still so much i can achieve 

Hope you all have a great weekend. It's ending soon :(

study sandra STUDY!!!!

Psalms 136

For today's LG, we shared about Psalms 136. 

As a group activity, we wrote out our own version of Psalms 136 which is about being thankful to God for His many blessings. 

Here's what I came up with: 

(I copied the first verse for inspiration :))

Oh, give thanks unto Jehovah,
For He is good,
For He is loving kindness endureth forever. 

Oh, give thanks unto God,
For He hears my every cry,
And cares for my weary eyes. 

Oh, give thanks unto God,
For He is my strength when I am weak,
thought be it, I am His ever disobedient sheep.  

Oh, give thanks unto God,
For He always listens, always waits,
for me to unlock my steel-proof gates.  

Oh, give thanks unto God,
For He is always present, always around,
to bring back home those who need to be found.  

Oh, give thanks unto God,
For He is always near,
ready to catch every drop, every tear. 

I have this thing whereby I like to make things rhyme. :)

Think I just found a new hobby.

I love worshipping. It's such a fun time.
Was feeling a bit down before LG but, as always, felt much better afterwards.
Really glad I went :)
So looking forward to SNL tmrw night! Wooo!

ouchh.

The New Rules For Love, Sex & Dating

I have a ginormous exam coming up really really soon. 

(3 weeks! aaahh!! pray for me?)

But just before I leave this blog to slowly collect dust, 

excluding my weekly addition of a song of my choice, 

I want to encourage anyone who has a minute to spare, 

or rather, just drop what you're doing right now and listen! 

to go and listen to these 4 messages. 

It's by a church in Alpharetta, Georgia, called North Point Community Church. 

I don't know much about it except that my LG leader told me they're this new up and coming church that's doing wonderful things in the States. Sort of like touching many people, which is fantastic always. 

Anyway, during our last LG meeting, we heard the 4th part of this message, 

which is blatantly entitled "The New Rules For Love, Sex & Dating". 

Yeah, smart move right? 

The title is intriguing enough that you'll  actually be tempted to click on the link and listen to what it has to say about a topic that has lost so much meaning in today's society. 

Hence, we're faced with the severe consequences like divorces, scandals, affairs, suicides related to relationships.

I mean I'm not used to listening to American pastors speaking but this guy, is really something else. Not only does he help you understand more about sex and relationships, he also turns on the tiny lightbulb in your head, which makes you go "Ohh... WOW." 

That was exactly my response when I heard it. 

In other words, if I could, I would definitely love to drop by this church someday. 

It seems to have a lot of great speakers who make you think.

Look, don't take my word for it. Just have a listen. Then tell me what you think.

Cause the speaker makes some really interesting points. :)

I'm still halfway into the 1st message cause my internet failed me -.- 

So definitely going to finish listening to the rest like when I'm stressed out of my mind and can't decipher the cryptic words on my notes anymore. :) 

Pass it on if you found it helpful, cause I definitely did. 

God bless.

FACT

Seeking You as a precious jewel

Nothing like the oldies.

Still means so much, after all these years.

When I am down, You pick me up

When I am dry, You fill my cup,

You are my all in all.

You are my freedom, Jesus You're the reason

A beautiful song we sang during Lifegroup tonight.

Here In My Life - by Hillsongs

Where will I be without You here in my life?

I don't know what to do with a love like that

Thank You. 

You always know the words to say.

"Surely We Can Change"- David Crowder Band

And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn't hit

And I don't know
What to do with a love like that
And I don't know
How to be a love like that

When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do

Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something

And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything

Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Oh surely we can change
Something

Oh, the world's about to change
The whole world's about to change

one of those moments

 A song that totally depicts my life right now. 

I used to think
I had the answers to everything,
But now I know
Life doesn't always go my way, yeah...
Feels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realize...

[Chorus:]
I'm not a girl,
Not yet a woman.
All I need is time,
A moment that is mine,
While I'm in between.

[Verse 2]
I'm not a girl,
There is no need to protect me.
It's time that I
Learn to face up to this on my own.
I've seen so much more than you know now,
So don't tell me to shut my eyes.

[Chorus]

I'm not a girl,
But if you look at me closely,
You will see it my eyes.
This girl will always find
Her way.

I'm not a girl
(I'm not a girl don't tell me what to believe).
Not Yet a woman
(I'm just trying to find the woman in me, yeah).
All I need is time (All I need),
A moment that is mine (That is mine),
While I'm in between.

I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time (All I need),
A moment that is mine,
While I'm in between.

I'm not a girl,
Not yet a woman. 

There are days when I get this feeling deep inside the pit of my stomach.

It goes by many names: "Anguish", "Despair", "Self pity".  

Pick your poison.

I never used to feel this way so why now?

I can get so depressed about nothing really. 

I just feel.. so sad. 

The only odd thing is, this feeling only reveals itself when I'm alone. or have been alone for a long time.

I don't know if everyone's just been busy with life, but I feel like everyone's moving forward.

Moving on in life, with their responsibilities, tasks, assignments, examinations.

Then, I'm sitting there, wondering 'Where has everyone gone?'

I hope this is only temporary.. I hope it goes away.

I've lost count of the number of times I've gone to sleep with a sense of doom looming overhead.

It hasn't been occurred in a while.. but this dark gloomy pit feeling was quick to substitute.

I feel so alone. 

It's funny because it used to be that if I dwell on it, then it'll progress and the wound gets deeper. bloodier.

But now, the feeling just comes whenever it wants. 

We all wear masks, to hide the monstrous atrocities we hold within.

Okay, maybe monstrous is a little of an exaggeration.. but it's ugly. 

Definitely ugly, and painful. 

Oh so very painful.

2011 has been a year with nothing but new experiences, good and the bad.

And it's only just reached June. 

May was a bad month, 

please God, let June be a better one.

Amen.