joyceeting Joyce Ting 5 people within 1 year. Don't know how much more I can take

So another lodgian has suddenly left us. His name is Jeremy Tan. He's a year older than me and I don't him that well personally but I know his circle and his family. The shock stage has passed, the tears has passed, now's just the empty hollow feeling you get and you don't know what to do next.

My summative's on Friday and I've got 3 systems to cover. I feel like I'm still not understanding everything fully and when I do questions, I'm like whaat. So that's not good. I still got some time but then, this happens and I really don't feel like studying tonight. 

My friends from high school started talking about how if one of them did suddenly pass away as well, that they just wanted us to know that they loved each of us. So I figured, I should write something for everyone, in case my time should come and God decides that He thinks that I'm too good for medicine or Jesus is getting old and He needs fresh blood. (I am totally kidding by the way, humour is the only thing that keeps me going. so please no thunder from the skies striking me anytime soon. )

To my family, know that I love each of you, obviously duh. We're family! Though we may have our setbacks, at the end of the day, we're all family and blood related and all. And we've been through a lot together so that will never change. No matter how old I get, I always feel like the same small fat chubby kid who is always being spoilt by everyone, around you guys. I have just one small request to God, that if my time does come, I hope it comes after my mum, cause I don't think she can handle another personal tragic loss. And also, I hope that you'll grow close to God, despite whatever circumstances that gets thrown your way cause at the end of it all, He is what it's all about. So don't shut Him out. You need Him. 

To my high school friends (OMG), I love you guys. You'll always be the group that I can click best with and just be whoever I want to be. Joel, Phoebe, my oldest friends. You guys have proven to be my angels, time and time again. Only you guys understand me without words. I know, no matter how far, no matter what, I can count on you two, especially you, Phoebs. You're my true sister in life. Joyce, Peg, Rachel, I love you all. I love it when we're all back together and just laughing at Joel or Phoebe (it's always one of the two hobos). I pray that your lives will be fruitful and amazing and fantastic and that you'll all end up marrying and having beautiful children AND still keep in contact with each other. 

To my uni friends, I'm glad we've all grown closer in this few years studying together. Yes, we have had our ups and downs but we're still friends through it all. I pray that you'll all graduate and be wonderful medical professionals someday and we'll always remember it all started in IMU, with each of us. I hope our dreams of making our children play with each other, intermarry each other, or whatever ridiculous ideas we come up with next, will come true one day. I wish all of you the utmost happiness and blessings.

Please know, no matter what happens, don't ever walk away from God or turn away. 

When I was at my weakest, He was there. 

When I was at the midst of losing my mind, He kept me sane. 

When I broke down, He just listened. 

I'm still discovering God everyday, and I'm still learning but I understand now. I understand that we all have an expiry date, so stop acting like you're going be here forever cause you're not. 

Stop hating, stop fighting, stop resisting. Life is so much more than that. 

If the wind blows hard enough, the fire within you gets extinguished. Game over. 

So, don't you think you should be happy while you can? 

Do the things you love, 

love the people around you, 

be a source of joy for someone: 

just be happy. 

You only get one shot.

Tenth Avenue North - By Your Side

Why are you striving these days

Why are you trying to earn grace

Why are you crying

Let me lift up your face

Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love

Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough

To where will you go child

Tell me where will you run

To where will you run

And I'll be by your side

Wherever you fall

In the dead of night

Whenever you call

And please don't fight

These hands that are holding you

My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side

They swallowed the grave on that night

When I drank the world's sin

So I could carry you in

And give you life

I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you

I want you to know

That I, I love you

I'll never let you go

Music has this amazing way of just smacking you on the head and going 

"Oi, this is you la. Listen!"

Simple lyrics yet amazingly meaningful.

Megan Nicole's Beautiful

I wanna be blown away

I wanna be swept off my feet

I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe

I wanna be lost in love

I wanna be your dream come true

I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you

Just call me beautiful, Call me beautiful

Call me beautiful, Call me b-e-a-utiful

Heather Janssen's An Angel's Kiss = rocks

When the road is gone and i cant find my way
Heart broken not worth it at the end of the day
When the world is shaking making me insane
I fall down and i cant get up again.
When im lonely in a crowded place
When im in need of a familiar face
When it hurts to look back, im scared to look ahead.
I can look beside me you're standing there. 


You know you grow up (especially if you're from a Christian family), 

you grow up hearing all these stories from the Bible during ICF classes,
you know the famous ones like
Abraham & Issac,
David & Goliath,
Jacob & Esau
Jacob & The Technicoloured Dreamcoat
Samson & Delilah

Last night, I finally pieced the family tree together. Well, sort of.

I was reading about King Saul and how he disobeyed God's instructions.
Instead of fulfilling the command, Saul killed everything except the animals of best quality.
He kept them  for whatever reason and then later said he was going to use them as sacrifices to God.

I was thinking, what's wrong with that? Saul had good intentions, right?
Yeah he sort of bent the rules a little but he didn't mean any harm.

Well, wrong. It says God got really angry and disappointed in Saul,
to the point where He even regretted making Saul king.

Why?
For a while now, I've been wondering about a few things such as this:
What is it exactly that God expects from us?
 is it our good intentions? our sacrifices? our offerings?

So the wonderful thing about going to church is, you get to meet people who probably have already been in your shoes before and considered the same questions.

So I asked my leader and she told me to read 1 Samuel 15.

"Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices 

   as much as in obeying the LORD? 

To obey is better than sacrifice, 

   and to heed is better than the fat of rams. 

²³ For rebellion is like the sin of divination, 

   and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. 

Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, 

   he has rejected you as king.”

How many times have I foolishly tried to justify my actions?
Just so I can make myself sleep easier at night,
just so I can feel like a better person, or worse: a better Christian.
How many times have I spoke to someone and gave them my advice, as if they weighed like gold?
As if I was an expert and all knowing, all powerful.

The thing is, we all bend the rules sometimes,
just so we can 'adjust' God's word into our lives,
hence, it's a win win situation for all.

"oh I watch child porn but, hey at least I don't abuse kids."


"oh I have a mistress, but so did Abraham. And hey, Abraham was God's most faithful servant! 
And I only have one! Some of the big shots in the Bible had hundreds!"


"oh I haven't spoken to him in years, but hey, at least I didn't kill Abel like Cain did."


"oh I tithed last week, but hey at least I'm even tithing. That guy doesn't do it at all."

When put on trial, we are so defensive, so quick to judge or pass the blame to someone else.
Always comparing, always measuring the weight of our sins with others.

I don't know, maybe it's just me.
But I got really worried when I thought about Saul; how God took away his crown.
What about me? I've disobeyed Him more times than I can remember

Has He taken my 'crown' away?
What blessings have I missed as a result of my rebellious ways?

Then, my wonderful leader gave me another scripture which is Joel 2.:25, to reassure me.


²⁵And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.


Basically, saying that after the people repented, God said He'll make up for the lost time.

Hmm I kinda forgot the point I was trying to make.
Nah, maybe not every post needs a point.
:)

Tyler Ward's Good Life

Completely addicted to the melody of this song.

Sometimes there's airplanes I can' t jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me-e-e-e
What there is to complain about

Oh this has gotta be a good life
This has gotta be a good life
This could really be a good life, good life
Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire 'night
This could really be a good life
A good, good life