Heather Janssen's An Angel's Kiss = rocks

When the road is gone and i cant find my way
Heart broken not worth it at the end of the day
When the world is shaking making me insane
I fall down and i cant get up again.
When im lonely in a crowded place
When im in need of a familiar face
When it hurts to look back, im scared to look ahead.
I can look beside me you're standing there. 


You know you grow up (especially if you're from a Christian family), 

you grow up hearing all these stories from the Bible during ICF classes,
you know the famous ones like
Abraham & Issac,
David & Goliath,
Jacob & Esau
Jacob & The Technicoloured Dreamcoat
Samson & Delilah

Last night, I finally pieced the family tree together. Well, sort of.

I was reading about King Saul and how he disobeyed God's instructions.
Instead of fulfilling the command, Saul killed everything except the animals of best quality.
He kept them  for whatever reason and then later said he was going to use them as sacrifices to God.

I was thinking, what's wrong with that? Saul had good intentions, right?
Yeah he sort of bent the rules a little but he didn't mean any harm.

Well, wrong. It says God got really angry and disappointed in Saul,
to the point where He even regretted making Saul king.

Why?
For a while now, I've been wondering about a few things such as this:
What is it exactly that God expects from us?
 is it our good intentions? our sacrifices? our offerings?

So the wonderful thing about going to church is, you get to meet people who probably have already been in your shoes before and considered the same questions.

So I asked my leader and she told me to read 1 Samuel 15.

"Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices 

   as much as in obeying the LORD? 

To obey is better than sacrifice, 

   and to heed is better than the fat of rams. 

²³ For rebellion is like the sin of divination, 

   and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. 

Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, 

   he has rejected you as king.”

How many times have I foolishly tried to justify my actions?
Just so I can make myself sleep easier at night,
just so I can feel like a better person, or worse: a better Christian.
How many times have I spoke to someone and gave them my advice, as if they weighed like gold?
As if I was an expert and all knowing, all powerful.

The thing is, we all bend the rules sometimes,
just so we can 'adjust' God's word into our lives,
hence, it's a win win situation for all.

"oh I watch child porn but, hey at least I don't abuse kids."


"oh I have a mistress, but so did Abraham. And hey, Abraham was God's most faithful servant! 
And I only have one! Some of the big shots in the Bible had hundreds!"


"oh I haven't spoken to him in years, but hey, at least I didn't kill Abel like Cain did."


"oh I tithed last week, but hey at least I'm even tithing. That guy doesn't do it at all."

When put on trial, we are so defensive, so quick to judge or pass the blame to someone else.
Always comparing, always measuring the weight of our sins with others.

I don't know, maybe it's just me.
But I got really worried when I thought about Saul; how God took away his crown.
What about me? I've disobeyed Him more times than I can remember

Has He taken my 'crown' away?
What blessings have I missed as a result of my rebellious ways?

Then, my wonderful leader gave me another scripture which is Joel 2.:25, to reassure me.


²⁵And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.


Basically, saying that after the people repented, God said He'll make up for the lost time.

Hmm I kinda forgot the point I was trying to make.
Nah, maybe not every post needs a point.
:)