This post is dedicated to a friend of mine who sadly passed in April of last year. If that's not enough, he passed the day after my birthday; which he attended and helped made the surprise birthday party a huge success. Then, the following night, I got a text from Phoebs, that he had passed. That night, I cried myself to sleep. The next day in Taylor's University, I felt robotic.. I felt like I was watching a movie whereby everything was moving in slow motion. The first thing I did was, I went to Phoeb's apartment at Myplace and we just sort of sat on her bed, dazed and quiet. Afterwards, we went to uni together, and met up with the rest of the usual gang, all whom were from Lodge School, and just sat there while many were crying uncontrollably. I remember clearly how, despite this tragedy, life was still going on as usual. Many students were walking their way to classes, laughing, texting, talking to friends with the usual sleepy-I-just-woke-up faces.
No one seemed to notice that someone who was wonderful, kind, sweet, considerate and funny, had just passed into the void.
I remember vaguely, walking to class late because I didn't want to move at first. But as the group dispersed, I went anyway. I arrived late and I still remember it was Biology class and Mrs. Ong gave me a face for my tardiness. Instead of taking my usual seat, at the back of the class with my friends, I sat at the table closest to the door, wanting to be alone. Li Ji, the person I usually sat next to, even said 'Hey, there's a seat here.' but I just ignored her and turned my back to everyone.
What was being taught that day? I have no idea. I just sat there, thinking, texting my friends, and then crying. Luckily, no one bothered me with stupid questions. The part that made me tear up the most, was when some people at the back were talking about 'the boy who jumped off the condo' or 'the boy who committed suicide' or 'the boy from sarawak'. I was furious when they so carelessly assumed that he had committed suicide because he's not that kinda person. He was too full of life and love to do such a selfish act. So I texted that girl, who heard the rumor, correcting her. I guess that's when everyone found out that he was my friend.
Somewhere in between that class, I excused myself and went out to sit by the stairs. I cried and cried and blasted Hillsongs in my ipod. I felt it was somewhat comforting and I replayed the song 'From Inside Out' by Hillsongs over and over and over and over again. I don't remember exactly the sequence of events of that morning, but I do know I went downstairs to the cafeteria where I met Eric, Jon, Chiah Hui and Phoebs. Everyone had the same solemn expression, we exchanged a few words then departed to our separate classes.
I still remember I was suppose to go to 'The Web', to do this online survey for Maths. My classmates were kind enough to bring down my things for me. Next, was Physics Lab. I considered just skipping the whole class but I really respected my teacher, Mr. Yong and thought I should, at least, give him an excuse, in person. He was really sweet, he gave me one look and said 'Yeah sure. Go back get some rest. You look really sick.' Curious, I went to the bathroom and realized that the statement 'He was so sick his face turned green' wasn't an exaggeration but literal. The mirror showed a ghost, someone pale and sad, someone I didn't recognize.
I texted Phoebe and she said the rest of them were just going to skip class and head to Asia Cafe where everyone else were sitting. I followed suit. I took a seat next to Brian Eddy. In attendance, Wooi Lee was there, some of Aaron's closest classmates, and the rest of the Lodgian girls. It was strange, everywhere around us, there were loud noises, from the music blaring in the speakers to the food vendors cooking to students eating and laughing. Everyone was just going on about their business, as if, nothing had happened. Our table was so quiet, I kept trying to hold it in but failing whenever I thought about him. Some people were talking about his parents, asking to find out what happened etc.
It was a long day. I can't really remember much that happened after that.
All I could think about was how we were all so happy and laughing, without a care in the world, just a day ago, on my 18th birthday. No doubt, he gave me the greatest birthday gift I could ask for; his presence. It took me a long time before I could post my condolences on his facebook wall, because I couldn't stop crying whenever I looked at his display picture.
Days after he passed, I was so worried about forgetting him, his voice, his ever-hilarious presence. He literally lit up the room when he entered because he would always be cracking jokes or swearing in cantonese. I alwayws found him hilarious. I was most afraid of forgetting how he sounded, how he spoke, how he joked. Then, I realized, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that he's not forgotten. And I haven't forgotten him. It's been a year 6 months and 24 days, if my math doesn't fail me. And, throughout that time, I have thought of him.
I think about him whenever someone mentions the name 'Aaron' or when 'Boston' by Augustana and 'From The Inside Out' by Hillsongs is being played or whenever someone jokes about wanting to jump off a building or when someone mentions the name of the condo where he fell. I never laugh at those jokes anymore, instead, I keep quiet and reflect about the great guy I had the pleasure of knowing. In this case, I really hope that he's found a place in Heaven among other great people that I know.
Take care and God bless Aaron, always.
1st September 1991 - 8th April 2009
I only wrote this post because his best friend wrote a note about him. If you have trouble viewing this fb note since you aren't friends in him, here's another link. Because of his note, it made me want to say something about him as well, from my point of view.
Life is short, we should embrace the fullness of it. It's not just a saying anymore, not to me at least.
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